Watersound — Where Sand Dunes Go to Retire in Style

Behold: Watersound — the St. Joe Company’s proudest attempt at turning the last remaining scraps of Northwest Florida’s wild coastline into a gated scrapbook of “authentic” coastal living. If you’ve ever thought, You know what these ancient dunes and longleaf pines need? A golf course and some tasteful beige siding, then congratulations — your spiritual home awaits.

Here, the developers embraced the true art of “environmentally sensitive design” — a phrase that, in developer-speak, usually translates to: We bulldozed everything gently. Watersound is the type of place where nature still technically exists, but only if it submits a formal request to the HOA.

Of course, the real charm of Watersound is its commitment to the illusion of preservation. You’ll stroll along elevated boardwalks (because walking on actual, wild terrain would be simply barbaric) past strategically left-behind scrub oaks and dune grass. Very photogenic. Very controlled. Very… not wild.

And don’t worry, the native ecosystem wasn’t entirely evicted — just reduced to a polite supporting role, a bit like the parsley garnish on your overpriced brunch. All the real estate buzzwords are here: “natural,” “authentic,” “unspoiled” — all printed in brochures designed by people who’ve never seen an unspoiled thing in their lives.

And the pièce de résistance? The sprawling golf courses and beach clubs, where once-endangered habitats now serve their true, higher purpose: scenic backdrops for real estate listings and influencer photo ops. Nature as wallpaper. Mother Earth would be so proud.

So here’s to Watersound: where Florida’s wild coast was gracefully relieved of its natural character and given a tasteful, shiplap-lined upgrade. Because if a tree falls in a forest, and no one’s there to build a luxury development around it, did it even matter?